In a society that is upside-down and backward, truth is the exception.  Truth is the natural state of who you are. It is difficult to speak about, or maybe it is easy to speak theoretically about and difficult to practice. Life consists of both positive and negative experiences.  This also applies to conversations. In the reading Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen, they remark, “before you can figure out how to move forward you need to understand where you are” (Heen). Allowing current emotion, without resistance; this is the living medicine of truth. Rather than following the tendency to cling to the seemingly positive experiences, it is important to allow the seemingly negative ones to arise and pass as well.  This is similar as in conversations.  You must navigate moving from “certainty to curiosity” (35, Heen). Instead of holding the idea that I am right, it is worthy to weigh in that we are not aware of all that influences our views and that we don’t know what we don’t know.  Becoming interested in the other person’s view will assist in making progress in a conversation. “The conversation is about many issues between the two of you that are complex and important to explore” (39, Heen). In dialogue we learn to embrace both sides of the story.  Balancing the polar perceptions of “right” and “wrong”, “good” and “bad”, “beautiful” and “ugly”, to see the spectrum of possibility.  This is all very applicable to many relationships and especially the most difficult and intense.

I know to learn how to listen to myself will be valuable for my whole life. There is a voice inside me that is motivated by the inspiration of my life force. The life force that brought all of this mystery into being.  Here we are and we are alive. It is all contained as a seed within me.  The opposite of living is not dying, the opposite of living, is quietly subsiding into the dark loneliness in isolation and fear, forgetting the connection to life, resenting the change needed to nurture the light.  In each fear is the seed of greatest potential. A seed needs good water, good soil, light...and darkness.

Having learned from my culture that I need to mask my darkness and exploit my light, I must pause in reflection.  As I honestly explore my darkness, I actually learn to celebrate my light.  As I learn to see the light as the love that pervades all that is, I notice that darkness is intrinsically part of this truth.  It is like the yin-yang symbol.  There is a little bit of light in the darkness and a little bit of darkness in the light.

shed light on the truth of that original innocence, that enlightenment which is my birthright, here and now.  I refuse to continue telling stories that disempower who I am. 

    These words will filter through the minds of the reader and contort to stretch to the imagination of their own situation. I write them as an act of allowing light to shine on the darkness and visa-versa. It is not polished nor comforting, yet I write to grow.  Nobody knows what will be true tomorrow, for all we have is this moment.  It is a testament to faith to write in spite of fear.  In the name of light, I address the depths of my soul to help me with this process of confronting the internalization of what being a victim of sexual abuse was, which I am not anymore. 

Truth is to be yourself, which happens effortlessly.  When challenging experiences arise, the habit is to tense up, distract or run away.  As a truth seer, poet Rumi, said, “the whole universe is inside you” (Rumi).  This means there is no where to go that will not be yourself. No one else to blame.  Challenging situations have arisen, so inside I travel to discover my own blueprint continuing to unfold into my seIf.  It is just happening, as if I were a seed, encoded with all the information I need to flower.  How kind am I to what arises? 

With the more profound recognition of the universe and everything in it as interconnected and within me, I can still be mindful that my life felt torn apart.

 In relief, I embark upon this journey and release all the limitations of making something such as writing in general and specifically about this such a daunting task.  I have given myself this responsibility. Once the paper is written and turned in, the job will not be over.  This is a lifelong task of showing up for what is real.  It is a form of justice to recognize the suffering within myself and my family.  For me,